Self view - a companion piece

So, recently, someone close to me opened her soul up, to reveal how she sees herself … and it has me thinking about personal world views … and my own self-view. I am no different from most people on this planet – I have a skewed view of my world. I see myself as lesser than others, in most areas – looks, intelligence, bravado, talent, etc. But I also know this isn’t entirely true (I am a fairly intelligent and wise person – I just haven’t always shown that in my past actions). In fact, because of my own past, I see myself as less than others, including my Female Companion. Is this fair to myself? Of course not. Does that matter sometimes? Of course not. We all become so worried about beating ourselves up, that we forget to focus on who we really are and what we can really do … and yes, I am included in that group. Hell, for a while “I’m Nuthin” (Ethan Hawke from Reality Bites) was a bit of my own theme song. Recently, though, it has come to my attention that I need to change my view … and I think I am not the only one who does.

A little about me, I’m a man from Iowa. I have medium length hair, a beard, pale skin (Irish heritage), and some weird colored eyes. I don’t see anything remarkable about myself … however I have been called “gorgeous” and “handsome” by my FC (a woman who I find incredibly beautiful and wonderful – physically and spiritually), and (apparently) mistaken for Ray LaMontagne by my daughter (on video). That should say something to me, but I have trouble believing it. This is something that can come about from years of humility and humiliation … I was an awkward kid – not popular, not good looking, awkward, geeky, and rebellious. Apparently (according to others), I have changed quite a bit.

So, I know what you are asking, where are you going with this Mick? Well, I’ll tell you (man, I talk to myself a lot) … just like people with inflated egos, those of us with self-depreciating views need a reality check sometimes. We aren’t as unpretty as we see ourselves. Each one of us is inherently unique. What we do with that uniqueness is up to us. Some people choose to conform, some choose to hide, and others choose to be who they are. It’s a long road out of that negative self view, one that I am walking myself. Keep yourselves in check, my friends, but not at the expense of the amazing person you really are. Those of us who are down often see our needs to improve (and we all have something we can improve), but that doesn’t make us terrible people or undesirable or unattractive. We all struggle at times, that does not make us any less desirable or worthy of love.

So, it is far past time that I start to look at the person that everyone else sees … find those pieces of beauty or talent or intelligence and wisdom. Maybe I, too, can become a believer. What about you?