Sounds like the introduction to some great comic book or a new episode for a TV show after a cliff hanger ending … but this is far from that. I started this blog about a year ago – a place for reflection, for thought, introspection … and then I sloughed off that responsibility for a while. That said, recently, I have made a concerted effort to write more (thanks to my wonderful fiancée), and I think it has made a difference. Some good, some bad … today may not be so good of a read.
Yesterday was an incredibly humbling experience to my soul and my spirit … from the lack of sleeping the night before (allergy meds had me jacked up something fierce), I knew it was going to be a rough day. That was confirmed at just before 630 am, when Miles (our black kitten – who has been struggling with feline leukemia) used the last of his strength to jump up onto our bed and collapse at my feet. The FC and I held him in our hands as his spirit moved into the next life. Yeah, I was a mess … both at the loss of a young spirit who was previously full of life (Miles was still very much a kitten), but also at the knowledge that I have now been present when a spirit I loved left this world. Yes, my readers, I was sitting on the bed next to my old man when he left this world just over a year ago. Needless to say, this was NOT how I wanted to start my 35th birthday.
The theme of my day seemed to be one of struggle … I have had underlying struggles with my family recently – to the point where I have been considering some self-imposed exile, already feeling like an outsider looking in. This was brought to a head last night, after not hearing from my mother all day, she called just before 8 pm, and we had a lengthy conversation that left us both reeling. I’m sorry, faithful few, but you do not get the details. My family, as I am sure many of you know, is important to me – but it also includes more people than those who are just related to me by blood/marriage. So, to consider severing ties (even temporarily) is not something I take lightly.
Needless to say, I am at a crux in my life … my life is not terrible, however it is not all where I want it to be at. I have a wonderful fiancée, who has taken it upon herself to show me how good things can be (and I try to do the same for her), and we have 4 kids between us, who are all coming into their own. But I am in a job that I don’t like, largely due to a lack of appreciation – something that I need in life – a job that has turned me into a mercenary, willing to follow the money for now. I’ll fight for money, unless your cause is right and meets my needs. That said, I spend too much of my time worrying about bills and finances (what can I say? I’m a bit controlling at times). But my life could be much worse … I just would like it to be a bit better. But it is overcoming our struggles that give us the strength and resolve to move forward, to 'fight another day' if you will (thanks FC!)
</end dissatisfied rant> Until next time, folks, when I should have a more thought provoking subject matter for you all to dissect.
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