There's no such thing as a failure who keeps on trying

So, it is nearing the end of July ... another month + since my last post, and I am in a rough place. I have been working so very hard the last couple of months to do the right thing, be a good person - a good friend, father, lover, partner ... and yet my past keeps threatening to destroy what I have. I have an overwhelming feeling of dread today. I am rarely sitting at work, on the verge of tears, on the verge of pain ... but here I am today.
I have caused a great amount of hurt this last week, and struggled with myself in that time. The problem, is that the hurt was not something new - it was residue, if you will, from my past actions. As I struggle to do the right thing and be a good person (all around - not just in some areas), I feel like I am falling further behind. And I feel like I am failing more and more.
I have hurt the woman I love, the woman I want to be with ... all with doing nothing 'new', in reality. By some stupid things I did in the month of May, I have caused new hurt. New hurt that she fears is not repairable. I realize at this time in my life, that I do not want to go through what I have in recent years. It did not make me happy ... so I am now left picking up the pieces of my own destruction and putting them back together into some semblance of a picture.
No, I'm not overly happy now ... not overall, nor do I think I should be, really. I know that I can be, and I know there are pockets of happiness there. I just have to make the most of them when I have them.