Cause and Effect ...

It has been a while since I have graced this blog with my words … between work, life, family, and living, I have sometimes scarcely found the time to breathe … for that, I apologize. When I restarted this blog, I wanted to do so and write regularly … well, I don’t get paid to write, so it comes down to a matter of when I have some free time to do so. For now, I am making some free time.

I have had this thought floating in my mind (usually a desolate wasteland) for some time – the rules of cause and effect and how it impacts our worlds. There is an impact in everything that we do, whether small or large – sometimes those impacts are very evident (the hours in the sun and heat my fiancée and I put in while creating a walking path at home) and yet others have an impact that isn’t always noticeable to the naked eye (telling a child “I don’t care” repeatedly in anger). While over impacts are delightful or easy to deal with, the confusion a child feels when they are dealing with the subtleties of the English language is difficult to see and often difficult to deal with.

There are four children who impact the fiancée and I’s lives … four different children who each see the world in a different light. Each of these children feels the effects of what goes on around them, whether directly or indirectly. And each child is learning the effects of what they do – whether that is overt timeout punishment for misbehaving or feeling the effects of a cat’s ‘sting’ when it is pushed too far. There are two sets of parents for each child, each child is dealing with differing rules and atmospheres, and it sometimes boils to the surface.

Recently, my bright spark has begun to show the wear of the two households, and I am worried for her … why wouldn’t I be? I’m her father. The other day, she was overheard saying “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!” to the melodious one … a reaction that is very much NOT in her personality. This is not the first time that she has begun to show personality traits that are not learned in our home. While my fiancée and I are not perfect, by any means, we give our best to and for those kids, often to the sacrifice and detriment of ourselves. To hear or see any of them in pain is a difficult time for us, it pains us to see them struggle with feelings or emotions they don’t understand … especially when that confusion is caused by another parent.

These will cause other effects yet to be seen, as each child grows. One of the most difficult feelings for a person to get over is resentment. I know, because it was an effect of how I grew up. I didn’t have the worst home growing up, and I am thankful for that. However there were times I butted heads with the Old Man – two spirits fighting for Alpha status, something that was his by right, however I was naïve to think it was mine to take. Needless to say, these conflicts led to a large amount of undue resentment as I grew from child to teen to adult. This situation was mine to deal with, but all four kids are or will be dealing with similar conflicts as they grow. It sometimes shows on their faces as they realize the differences between the parenting. It would be my hope that they do not have to face these struggles, that we as parents can all work together … but I also know this is folly, at best, as we all have different life goals and things we are willing to sacrifice for our children. That, in itself, will have its effects, which may be further reaching than we imagine. Our children (all of our children) are observant beings, even when they don’t seem to be paying attention. Be good to them … for their own sake.