Friendship

Friendship … a topic that I know everyone is familiar with, in one way or another. We all have friends in this world – friends who come in differing shapes, colors, personalities, and levels of friendship. In my time on this planet, I have (and do have) best friends, good friends, work friends, acquaintances, and “that guy at work whose name I know, but I don’t really know him to consider him a friend”. The perspective on each of these people/personalities varies upon who you are, how you live your life, what your need is, how you view what a “friend” is, and how many you feel you need to feel better about yourself and your “status” (terribly high school perspective there).

I have had a number of different levels of friends, through the various stages of my life – some have been true friends, some have faded with time (and with personality changes), and others have shown themselves to be little more than at the periphery for their own self-serving reasons. Personally, I have a number of friends (good and average), but only a small circle of close friends – those who know more than the surface issues/items in my life. These close friends know who they are, and they know why. More so, those friends are like family to me with that kind of trust and information. That is caring I take quite seriously. That level of friendship demands trust in one another, a trust that is often broken – a trust I have broken in my own dark past.

The peripheral friends can be a mixed bag – they may be someone slightly more than an acquaintance, or they may prove to be someone out there ‘watching’ you. While this may sound a bit paranoid, we all know this is true. They might be watching you, waiting for your fall, or feeding off of your pain (for their own drama), or they may be watching you for someone else. Far too often, this is the case in regards to anyone with an ex-spouse. If there is hurt, there is often someone out there looking to return that in kind – regardless of the intent of the hurt.

An interesting phrase was recently brought to my attention (and I paraphrase): “friends are not measured by quantity, but by those willing to punch your ex in the fucking face” (or something to that effect). Now that, to me, is high quality determination of a friend – will they conduct a violent act on your behalf upon someone you once were in a relationship with. No matter why the relationship ended – but a true friend will strike out at another person for you. Now THAT is friendship.

And then there is the “drama” friend … that friend who is never there for you when you are in need, however they are quick to plead for help when even the smallest glimpse of drama appears in their life. They plead that you pray for them as their child takes a math test on Tuesday and it’s just been so stressful on the family. Recognize this one? They are quick to get in the middle, cause some trouble, all so they can revel in the drama they have caused or helped propagate.

So, I hear you all – where are you going with this, Mick? Friendship is something that should be taken seriously, as a badge of pride. While you cannot be everything to everyone, you can be a friend to one, a few, or many – the number depends on you. More importantly, what really depends upon you is what kind of friend you have and what kind of friend you are to others. Do you revel in the role of drama? Are you playing a secret agent? Would you be there to help your friend in their time of need, whether that is death of a loved one or mowing their lawn or helping them move? Or are you just willing to go beat the shite out of someone because they ask you to – without finding out why. Be honest with yourself, look in the mirror and tell the truth. Are you surprised at your answer? Maybe you need to gain yourself some perspective on your role in the world and how you walk within it.