Gotta get mean

So, I have to get something off my chest that's been bugging me for some time now ... I have lost a friend. Not due to accident, or disease, or a fight between us, rather due to my divorce - an action that does not affect the direct relationship between he and I. While he has been good friends with my (soon-to-be)ex, he and I have been friends for over a decade. That's right, nearly 1/3 of our lives. And now, I get the impression that it is all for not.
One thing I have not done in this divorce is intentionally force my/our friends to choose sides. To me, that action is a bit grade school recess - something that is unnecessary for adults to be doing. Yet, I am seeing that it has happened - some friends have naturally sided with one or the other, while others have been forced to one side or the other (or is it coerced?). While I have not handled this in the best manner, neither has the other major party involved. This isn't grade school. This isn't something where we go to friends and say "You must choose my side or I won't like you any more." I know I'm not naive, but I always hope that people stop to think sometimes, before they act or make decisions.
Divorce affects more than just the parties directly involved. It affects immediate and extended families, and it definitely affects friendships. If you allow it to. There will be friendships that don't last - I don't expect to be buddy-buddy with many of her close friends, nor do I expect the same with her and my close friends. That said, there are always going to be those truly "mutual" friends ... friends who are "hallowed ground" to me. If those friends come to their own decision on if/whether to support one side or the other or be friends to both sides (which can be done), then so be it. Forcing the matter, forcing the choice, only makes things worse. It causes unnecessary pain and possible resentment. While divorce is painful, it is about the two parties involved. It's not meant to be about who gets to be friends with whom.
Which brings us back to the beginning. I may have lost a good friend in this divorce. And I wonder how he came to his decision ... was it of his own volition (which I can respect)? Or was his hand forced by someone else? Only time will tell.