Troubles ...

Any of my readers who know me, know of my pride in my Irish heritage, as well as my interest in historical conflict – especially the American Civil War and World War II. And I have not hid my excitement at the upcoming Assassin’s Creed release – which takes place during the American Revolution against the British Crown. Recently, discussions with some friends, along with a disturbing piece of news read online, have put me to thinking about “the Troubles”.

For those who don’t know, the Troubles (as they are often known) was the collective name for the decades-long conflicts between Irish Republicans and British Loyalists over the Seven Counties of Northern Ireland. As was common with much of Ireland’s history (proud or otherwise), the Troubles were rife with conflict, warfare, and death - paramilitary and civilian. Actions by both sides of the conflict were condemned – by governments, citizens, the media, and even religious leaders. I remember reading in the papers (this was before the internet) and seeing on the nightly news stories of the conflicts in Ireland and the Seven Counties. Little did I realize, until I was older and more read, that these stories were told from a strongly Loyalist point of view. A view I find to be terribly ironic, if you look at the histories involved.

What many people fail to realize is how similar the Troubles were compared to our own proud history in the United States. Both were conflicts against the overbearing British Crown by people trying to stake a claim to their own independence from the monarchy. However, as anyone may be familiar with, the media’s perspective on matters will paint the picture that is presented to the populace. Given the relationship that the American and British governments have, it is no wonder that the American media was taking a definite Loyalist view. After all, “our good friends” the British were being irrationally attacked by the “hostile Irish” when all our friends were trying to do is help govern land that they had acquired decades before *cough* through force *cough*.

My how times change – if you all recall your history books, our forefathers (many British expatriates of their own right) fought for their own rights, their own freedoms after suffering under the oppression of the British monarchy. This is the same as the roots of the fight for Irish independence that continued for centuries, into modern times before a uneasy resolution was reached on Good Friday, 1998. Yes, you read that correctly, 1998. The Belfast/Good Friday Agreement ended the “Troubles” and designated that the Seven Counties of Northern Ireland were part of the British “protectorate” until such time as the majority of citizens in Northern Ireland vote democratically to rejoin the Republic of Ireland. In an area with a population “equally” divided amongst republicans and loyalists, Catholics and Protestants, the likelihood of this ever happening is slim. It is a struggle that is likely to continue for the foreseeable future.

So, I know what you are all asking at this point – where’s your point Mick? Imagine what that would be like here in our world … another country annexing some of our land in this country – let’s just say that Canada decides it must forcibly protect citizens who have staked claim to land in New England, for example. The states of Maine, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, and Vermont become known as the Northern States, and part of the parliamentary democracy/constitutional monarchy of Canada. How would you feel about that? How far would you be willing to go to see your fellow American citizens reunited with the remaining 44 states of the United States? Would you take up arms?

Our forefathers fought to free their families from British oppression and we laud them as heroes. The Irish have fought to do the same, but are often seen as violent criminals, largely because of their methods of warfare. Worldwide, people fight for their freedoms – Sudan, Eastern Europe, the Middle East. War is a brutal monster – sometimes born from necessity, often born from fierce stubbornness of the parties involved. We live in a world constantly at war, due to the conflicts of nature we live in. And it will forever continue as nature forces us to take its course and to learn its lessons. Sometimes the cost of those lessons is a difficult and painful one.

Eleven Years Gone ...

September 11 2001 is a day that no one of cognizant memory will ever forget. We are reminded annually, on Patriot Day (as it is now called), of the impact that a small group of zealots had upon a larger group of citizens. We live in a world constantly at war, however, not in nearly 60 years had that war’s impact been felt so deeply upon American soil. A second day of infamy, if you will, a day that I will be able to tell my grandchildren about, as my grandfather told me regarding Pearl Harbor. While there will be countless memorials today, regarding the events of that fateful day, I am choosing to go in another direction … to look at what has happened to our country since then. Let’s get reflective, shall we?

After 9/11, we, as a nation, mourned the tragic events in New York City, Washington DC and rural Pennsylvania. We united as one nation and stood tall in the face of adversity; just as our grandparents had done in 1941. We, as a nation, stood and said “this aggression will not stand!”  A new wave of American patriotism swept across the land, bringing with it hope, unity, and a new inherent fear of anyone who might resemble someone of Muslim descent. Unprecedented changes were made in light of the “new American world view” that we had. For better or for worse, we were united in payback and united as a nation, to move forward and work together … my how times have changed.

It is 2012, an election year in the United States … we see the nation (partially) pitted in liberal vs. conservative over who has the better direction in running this country. The incumbent president, who achieved what his predecessor set out to do (killing the “mastermind” at the heart of the attacks American soil) against a challenger who has attempted to be the conservative candidate more than once … and failed more than once. But at the heart of it all is the fervent opposition to each other that the candidates and their supporters show towards each other. Gone are the days when two candidates might debate their differences to let the public decide who is better fit to take the job … replaced by bile, lies, and near hatred directed towards each other’s policies and beliefs.

Where has the love, the cooperation gone? The brotherhood that one American felt for another has been replaced (multiple times) by direct opposition and a willingness to undermine another’s ideals and beliefs. When did we really decide that we cannot work together? Look at the last 4-6 years in congress … the Democrat controlled congress sought to undermine Bush II’s policies and work, while the Republican controlled congress (from the “revolution” of 2010) has done everything in its power to force President Obama to submit and alter his own party’s ideals. Instead of working together for the ideals of their constituents, for the betterment of their people, we are left with a government full of selfish, backbiting individuals out for their own ideals, willing to undermine someone else to get that fresh step forward. Gone is the brotherhood that we once felt.

We are so focused on the words “Never Forget” regarding the atrocities of losses occurred on September 11, 2001, that we have forgotten what came in the fallout.  “Never Forget” those lost … and “Never Forget” how we, a melting pot nation, came together and stood as one – brothers and sisters looking past race, past wealth, past sexuality, past our individual differences to work together as one. Never forget what has been done, and what we can do when we work together. Never forget that we are all humans, citizens of the planet earth, and we are capable of incredible good, when we aren’t knocking each other down to get ahead.

No shite, no roses ...

Strange phrase I heard this morning, thanks to Glen Hansard … and a phrase that you can view from a number of different perspectives. All depending on how you want to approach your life and your perspective of the world around you. It is definitely a phrase that will be added to my repertoire, given the events of my life over the past few years … and the past few hours.

Think about the simplicity of that statement “No shite, no roses” … as Hansard explained his perspective on it – out of crazy shite can come some great things. After all, “you gotta fer’ilize ‘em wit’ some’in.” While Glen was talking about a recent death and tragedy, those thoughts apply to life in general. Sometimes, when life is looking pretty rough and things may have taken a turn for the worse, you have to use that in order to get something better or beautiful to grow in its place. 

But, like growing those proverbial roses, you have to put in time and sweat into getting them to grow and flourish. Weeding, watering, pruning, making sure there is proper/sufficient sun for growth are all required to make any plant (flower or otherwise) grow. Can you tell I’ve spent a little time in the yard recently with someone who has an incredibly green thumb?

The same is true in life … the past couple of years, I have had shite thrown at me from a few different directions and sources. While it has (at times) been difficult to avoid giving in and being buried, I have persevered and put in the work to make something grow. Whether it has been difficulties from my divorce, to the loss of my old man, to set backs at work, I have persevered through each – working to take that shite, put it on/in the ground and fertilize more roses in my life.

It’s far too easy to give up, to give in to the pressure and let someone else win “Best in Show”. I know, because I have been there, more than once in my life. However, I have found that I don’t do too well when I give in – it tends to be a cascading effect and things go from bad to worse. While things in life don’t always turn around on a dime, going from bad to great, trust and perseverance make that a better possibility than doing nothing at all.

So, as I look at my news from work this morning … hearing that I am not leaving processing, the job that I despise, in favor of a position in underwriting, an opportunity I was working for and looking forward to … I turn to that phrase, timely and unexpected in its delivery to me this morning, and see how it relates to me. Going back to the job I dislike is shite dumped on me again, so I will take a moment, catch my breath, pack up my shovel and look to see where I can plant and grow some roses … or maybe another hibiscus. That jade of me is far too small, I think it needs to grow some more this winter …

Parenthood

No, I’m not going to talk about the epic ‘80s sitcom starring (among others) Steve Martin (GENIUS!) and Rick Moranis. Rather I have done quite a bit of thinking about parenting lately, so we’re going to likely get a little personal here today, so if you have fear – turn back now. Otherwise, read on … comment if you feel the need/desire/want.

As I am sure everyone knows, I am a divorced father of one little first grader – she is the light of my life, she is my “spark” (as my incredibly fiancée has noted more than once). And I am soon to be a stepdad to 3 incredibly different Gingers (to be known as Lamar, Sally, and Crash) who all resemble their mother in a number of different ways each – from Crash’s visible likenesses to Sally & Lamar’s subtle similarities. That’s right; I act as a parent to 4 kids in my house … and a handful of others from time to time.

As you all know, I am divorced (with that soon changing to married) as is my fiancée … this poses a significant challenge for both/each of us – parenting children who have an outside influence in their lives from the other parent. Now before you get too excited, I won’t be bashing either parent or their parenting style here. While I know our styles or ideals have been called into question more than once, that is not my style. What I have no problem talking about is the subject of the struggles that we face when the kids are all with us. Because the “other parents” do not agree directly with our parenting direction (one much more so than the other), we face the complications of behavioral adaptation when the kids come back home. Sometimes this adaptation is minor, sometimes it is much more difficult and trying than it should be, but there is a disparaging difference in how the kids are treated between the houses – fairly or unfairly viewed. This manifests itself in how each of the kids act towards and around each other … they “settle in” the longer they are around each other in the house. (to the point that Sally has even said “oh man I’m so glad to be back home!” when walking into the house) It’s the transition phase that becomes much more difficult for all of us, kids and parents.

But there is more than just this transition that has come to light recently … it is how other children are treated by their parents, not just our 4. Lamar has 3 friends who all have their own parental issues that they are dealing with … and all three are rather tragic. She has a friend who has clearly been physically (and probably mentally/emotionally) abused by her parents – to the point she has become a bully. Another who has been ostracized by her mother and is (reportedly) living with an elderly relative (great grandmother?). And a third friend who has also (likely) been mentally/emotionally (and possibly physically abused) by her mother. One a bully, the other two dealing and adapting as they can, and often (likely) struggling to do so … not picked on by someone at school, but by their own parents. When did we reach this phase? Where did it become even remotely OK to treat young women or men in this way?

I know this isn’t something that is really new to the world, children have been cast out since the dawn of time –not just in our humanist society, but also in other animal societies. However our society tends to have the petty reasons for doing so – perhaps the child has more talent than the parent, more intelligence, or the parent feels the child will be better looking when they grow older? Instead of nurturing these children, it has become far too common to cast them out, to beat them down (physically or otherwise) to show them “their place” in this world. And it becomes all OK, because no other parents want to do anything about it. They don’t want to stick their noses in other people’s business … because they are afraid of what they will see? Or perhaps just afraid of some mild repercussions … ?

We have reached a point in my life where we are ready to say “enough … this aggression will not stand”. Perhaps the lightly named “Watrous Home for Wayward Children” isn’t such a misnomer? After all, there is more to being a parent than just the act of creating and birthing a child.

Your Fantasy is Not My Reality

So it has been a while since I have posted, for that, I do apologize. Between work, life, kids, my fiancée, family matters, and life I haven’t had a whole lot of time to sit down and gather my thoughts … however, a couple of events over the past couple of weeks have given me time to pause and reflect. Which I will share with you … read along, won’t you?

Truth and reality are always a matter of perspective, no matter how solidly they are ground in fact of the world around us. That’s a funny thing to say, I know. But my fact is fiction to someone who does not agree with me or doesn’t see what I see. What I see as fact, as hard truth, is not going to be the same to someone with a different life experience or different perspectives … just as their truth, their reality, will seem quite the opposite to me. Someone living in Somalia, or Syria, or North Korea knows a different life than I know. They know a different reality than I know, they know a much harder reality than my “easy life”.

But what happens when you mix the realities in a similar setting … not Midwest USA vs. war-torn Somalia … but Midwest USA vs. Midwest USA? I can already hear you saying “Listen Mick, there are differences between lives even in the Midwest.” Of course there are, I am cynical, sarcastic … but not delusional. Our lives and our experiences shape our reality, our truths, our facts. But when do we suspend those universal facts and adopt a perspective that is more fantasy than reality?

(Now, before you go off on some tangent, I am not speaking fantasy in the following terms: Final, baseball/football/basketball/cricket, sexual, Island, misogynistic, or RPG.)

You see differing perspectives on reality on a daily basis, just look around … go ahead, I’ll be here when you get back.

Notice something about the world around you? Dichotomy, truth/lies, at least two sides to every story, reality slapping everyone in the face … but not everyone reacts the same or treats things the same.

As you all know, I am divorced for over a year and a half now. The divorce process has affected my reality in a number of ways I never expected. In some ways, my experience has jaded me towards ways of thinking that were previously optimistic. But I have found that I have often come to odds with my ex regarding what is best for the Spark. Our philosophies are different, our world views are different, shite our upbringings are different … and that means our realities are different. The solid fact that we do have in common is that we do not agree on what is best. This often makes life difficult, to say the least, for my family. These differences in perceived facts came to blows recently, and I released 18 months of pent up anger and disagreements upon her reality.

In a very personal way, I am waging a war of truth that affects someone close to me, someone who relies upon me for love, direction, and protection. Some days, I feel like I am fighting a losing battle, other days I see the fruits of my blood, my sweat, my tears when I look into her eyes and see that loving smile. While I cannot (and will not) impose my “truth” upon her, I try to help her shape her own world view and personality, to become a better person and a bright example for society. This is the same thing I try to do for my fiancée’s kids as well, though we have considerably less resistance from the other parent. That is the role of a good parent – teach your children, love them, raise them well, and help them shape their own truth, their own reality.

Given that 2012 is an important election year, “truth” and “reality” are paramount to everyone’s perspectives. Our broken political system gives us two options: the left/Democrats and the right/Republicans. Both sides are filled with a number of arsehats whose mission only ever seems to be to convince the voting public that their way is “the truth” and the correct way. Reality is much different than that for each one of us … most of us do not conform to one specific (political) ideology.

I am a political dichotomy, as I am firmly an Independent. I have views that are considered “Liberal/Democrat” and others that are “Conservative/Republican”. So I am a prime candidate to be recruited by both parties … and I want nothing to do with either. Instead of working together to make this country and her people better, the parties spend their time and focus upon proving their “truth” is “right”. Millions of dollars are spent annually to do just that … we are so far apart on our ‘realities’ politically that our elected representatives can’t fix a damn thing wrong with this country … or even give us a working plan to restore what we once were.

Don’t even get me started on religion … especially within the Abrahamic views.  

Instead of worrying about imposing our truth upon someone else and make them accept it falsely, perhaps it is time for us to accept that our realities are different and take a long hard look at OURSELVES and see that perhaps we don’t all know the right way or the truth of the world. Working together to make the world a better place to live in for our kids and grandkids should be our priority. So why isn’t it?